I never thought much about the prospect of having children. I always thought that I would not be a good mother. I did not have the patience or wear with all to take on such an enormously important responsibility. I figured that because of my inadequacies that my children would grow up and be the most ungrateful people on the face of the planet and blame me for the rest of all time for not doing right by them! That fear caused me great anxiety. To be responsible for the well being and proper nurturing of a child was too much for me to risk.

Alas, the desire for motherhood finally over took my anxiety and I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl December 27, 1986. My “magnum opus”, as I called her was born into this world. It was now my responsibility to make sure she had every opportunity be a successful and fulfilled human being with love in her heart and gratefulness in her mind.

My magnum opus is now 16 years old. She is an honors student with good moral values, a healthy self-esteem and a bubbly personality. To add to that responsibility came my other “magnum opus” ten years later. A son, with beautiful, big blue eyes and a very old soul, he is, and heart the size of Texas.

Throughout the past 16 years, I have learned what children need. A conscience. If a child is taught about right and wrong at an early age and is made to be accountable for his or her actions, when the teenage years come along and parents have suddenly become the most ignorant human beings on the face of the planet, their conscience will take over!

I have always said yes to my children whenever possible when they have asked to have friends over, to go to the movies and such. As long as it was something that was not life threatening for them I have allowed them to do it. But, only after making sure I’d asked the questions that needed to be answered and was informed. I allow them to make their share of mistakes on their own so that they can learn for themselves. Not by my preaching to them. I realized that there would be bigger bridges to cross as they matured and grew. I didn’t not want to have spent the last 15 years of their lives telling them “no”, only to have to tell them “no” when they were teens about bigger things that came along and risk the rebellion that might ensue.

I have always praised them and told them what a precious gift from God they are to me and that they can do and be anything they are willing to work toward. Tempering discipline with love is always the most difficult task. On one hand, you want to keep them safe by not allowing them to get out of your sight. On the other, you want them to fly and gain self-confidence, which only comes by letting them go out and experience life.

I have found that I really have done a fine job with my children so far, that there IS a guidebook we can use to parent. That would be the one within our hearts and our minds.

Use good common sense, talk to your children, allow them make some of their own mistakes. Give them a conscience by teaching them right and wrong and take them to church where they will always know that a higher power is watching over them. It is important for developing that conscience.

Someone once told me, “Don’t allow your kids to grow like weeds. You must cultivate them.” And “If you never talk to your children when they are young, why would they want to talk to you when they are teens?”